Current Music:"I Grieve" Peter Gabriel -> "Cain and Able" (sic) Josh Kelley
Touchdown. The last of the three balloons that my Aunt Helen gave me at dinner when I passed my dissertation defense on April 9th has now finally settled to the ground. (I've been watching this – slowly – for months, curious to see how long this one would last.) There must be some sort of vague symbolism and symmetry in that: this is my last night in The Ledge. (N.B.: I've always thought of this apartment in the Ardmore as "the Ledge" because of the effect of the three side-by-side windows in front of me when I'm on my couch, looking out over the south part of the campus and the city of Milwaukee, and giving my distant view of Lake Michigan. The effect was as though my apartment were a high cave ledge looking out over the city.) "In The Ledge." That doesn't sound right. The word make me want to say "on The Ledge," no matter how odd and not-quite-right that also sounds, once you know you're talking about an apartment. Whatever.
Dan Lloyd has been the most amazing and generous friend, donating lots of time and labour in helping me the last few days with the moving and storing of much of my library between his and Amy's house and with my Aunt and Uncle. It puts one more bit of polish on how highly I have to think of my friends. And even the work can be social time, which has helped with the stress of these last few days in particular. So much of me wants to be able to do everything by myself, even though I can dissect and critique that particular bit of American philosophy and psychology 'til the cows come home. It's always a good lesson for me to ask for help and to muster the humility to do so and to accept it.
But this is the end of my life in this place. I've learned a lot of lessons in this space, this increasingly-empty cluster of rooms, only some of which have to do with my doctorate. I won't miss the apartment itself in any great way, but I can respect the shelter it's given me for five years, and for the space and leisure it has given me to pursue these goals of mine. It has been the frame on this chapter of my life, always being the edge that gave me rest from the action and drama of the painting itself. So now about all that's left on the list is to take down the computer before bed and before the moving crew arrives in the morning. Signing out from Milwaukee....