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Errantry: Novak's Journal
...Words to cast/My feelings into sculpted thoughts/To make some wisdom last
Personal: A People Week: Jen, Tony, and Frank 
21st-May-2007 09:51 pm
Brown Jacket/Bookcase
Okay – it's been an interesting week. A people week. A week with interesting people. I know what "breakup" usually means. This isn't quite it. Yes, Jen and I did breakup a week ago, and I know that the average couple breaks up no less than seven times. But this wasn't a "breakup-get-back-together-to-maybe-breakup-again-later" version of that scenario. We've just been hanging out. And it's comfortable. We checked in with one another via email after a day or two, just to see how the other was doing. Pure "on good terms" breakup normalcy. Thursday she came over. She watched an episode of BSG, to which I'd gotten her addicted. We talked. Openly, easily. We amused one another. And it was comfortable, to use that word again. She's been bringing her latest project to its make-or-break stage with the Milwaukee School Board, despite some other people making difficulties (and triumphed this weekend when the School Board voted 9-0 to give her a million dollars to make her new school happen, although it looks again like someone else will get the credit) and I talked with her Friday morning and let her know how strongly I was behind her and what she was doing. On Saturday I spent the evening with her over at her best friend Ricky's, and met his new boyfriend Brad. And there I was treated to her unusual fire-spinning hobby for the first time. So in many ways, it doesn't seem much different, other than the knowledge that we know this isn't going anywhere. Maybe it's more of a decrescendo breakup than a sudden finale. We are both a little bit perplexed by it.

On Saturday I had to say good-bye to Tony Bonta. I had met Tony at the start of my second year here, where he and I started chatting at the Department party at the opening of the school year and hit it off right away. Then he had vanished for a semester to finish a job back in Indiana before actually starting at Marquette. tony was one of those friends who you just didn't get to see enough of. One of the most dedicated workers I know, Tony made his presence felt all across Marquette and not just in our Department. While he was doing his work in historical theology, he also worked in campus ministry, administrative and library services. His administrative experience back out there in the "real world" was such that coming back to grad school had been a real step down for him. So Tony hung out with me and Kari-Shane a lot over my latter second year, before Kari-Shane moved on to her miracle, before-she-started-her-dissertation professorship at St. Benedict's and St. John's. On Saturday Tony and I went out to Vicki's, a diner he had introduced me to and which we both liked, in order to have our last hang-out before he left to take up the Directorship of Campus Ministry at Loyola Marymount University in Los Angeles while he writes his dissertation. I was startled to hear him give me credit for keeping him in the program at one discouraging point: another one of those moments where you have no idea the extent to which you're affecting another life. I remembered that hard conversation, sitting here, lounging in my living room: I had no idea it had really been that touch-and-go with his decision-making process. So he heard my latest news, and we looked toward those rare times in the future where we might pick up together again. But it was good to know that this will be one of those friendships that can just go on being relied upon.

Otherwise, I'm dissertating (An Ecclesiology of Charisms in the Work of Francis Sullivan) like mad: and it's sooooo fun after being overly-consumed by my teaching this last year to do such concrete work. Every day I get to see exactly what I've done, in lines and pages, instead of just knowing what I taught but being uncertain what it has then become (or not) in my students' heads. I'm going to enjoy this feeling for awhile. So every day I think Sullivan, pretty much all day, every day. And as it turns out, today was Frank Sullivan's 85th birthday, so I dropped him a congratulatory note, as well as asking him to answer a few minor clarification questions on the dissertation. I'm currently working on my biographical essay about him, and so I'm going through the interviews from last May in great detail.
Comments 
22nd-May-2007 05:13 am (UTC)
Every day I get to see exactly what I've done, in lines and pages, instead of just knowing what I taught but being uncertain what it has then become (or not) in my students' heads. I'm going to enjoy this feeling for awhile.

I've never thought of my research as "more concrete" than my teaching... it is a invigorating thought as I return to my own project of biographical tinkering this week.

On Saturday I had to say good-bye to Tony Bonta...

The most awesome part of a wonderful post, really (the narrative, not the good-bye). It's funny how academia works -- so much of our lives are spent as ships passing in the night on a microcosmic level, but if you think about it, it's also a truly small world, full of interconnections, chance reunions, and funny sorts of friendships...

I know what "breakup" usually means. This isn't quite it.

There was a joke at my undergrad about lesbian breakups -- to whit, they do not exist. Instead of a "clean break," relationships would (and do?) stretch like silly putty, as parties remained friends, often close ones. This was often considered a negative, and perhaps it is, done badly (or unwillingly, due to close quarters or what have ye). But done well (and it sounds like you both are doing well...?), it seems like an extremely positive outcome, if a little boggling and unusual.
22nd-May-2007 12:12 pm (UTC)
It's good you're still friends. Some things are just not meant to go further.
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11th-Jun-2007 03:10 am (UTC)
Yikes! Sorry, Carrie: I just saw this! I'm afraid I've been a bit scattered lately. Um... either something humourous based on their personality, and probably then something literary or saintly for such ironies. A girlfriend who was into teddy bears got me one who was duly named for the Roman historian Tacitus. That sort of thing appeals to me, I guess....
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